Done it again.

You're laughing,

and most of the time

I'm telling you

something or other

about what you should do,

you tell me I should

laugh more,

and I tell you I

laugh plenty

and besides

nobody says anything funny,

you only laugh because you're uncomfortable.

but still,

every other night I try,

I smile

I humour them

those boys and their coats

and their beers and their beds.

you tell me about the money you collected

how it was hard

to tear all of

those bills

into pieces

I know

it was.

You're laughing

and I am sleeping and

praying

I don't wake up,

fuck I miss you,

and you're

laughing not because anyone's

said something funny,

but just because there is

nothing better to do.

When you're gone there

is wrinkling crinkling

trash talk

filling garbage cans

and dump trucks,

with all of this shit,

about how you

are fucking it up,

your life

that is.

I love you,

but I would rather be stuck on

this island,

than sleeping in that

car on some road

with you and your

laughing happy boyfriends,

I can't make conversation

and I am in love with

camping fires smoke

faults and

trees and being alone.

It is my fault I know,

I know I am not

everest,

It is just that it

worries me,

and I can't go out

every night.

I would love to

shove my coins

and my

savings into

some ugly man's hand

but the thing is,

you're

very broke

and

you've done it again.