plateau

kill time 

at the pinball machine

spread legs

sexless

throat sliced

buy a sewing machine

the walls are white

so what can you complain about now

birth control is the only reason you wake up in the  morning

fight with conservative juvenile delinquents

about equal rights for men and women

when it gets late

and your eyes droop

and the drug dealer says he’s dry and empty and bored

walk to the bar 

in your best friend’s black dress

say hell,

i love you anyway. 

moving day

bag of empties

brown mango

food bank

14 in 4

john 

3:16

the trash is speaking to me

black plastic 

over everything

a few things

roll onto the floor

gold rings

dimes

they are so 

small 

should i take them

charcoal drawings

i shred them

my aunt and uncle

at the door

outside

white sheet

over everything

the paintings

do i take them

i leave them leaning

this will be the 

longest I have

stayed put 

since the first move

it's funny because 

there is nothing here

maybe the silence is what

keeps me 

the

empty rooms

mark me 

they are pleasing to see

like a building destroyed

a pool emptied

a carpet removed

another

home I did not quite make

is there anything that stays

even the stars are liars

laughing at us 

dying all the time

but remaining

remember when

there were things

you would 

save from the fire

bluff

call it the burn

call it the lost one

call it a friend

the last time was

y2k

when we drove 

a car for the first

time 

down the 

alleyway

ate ice cream

from a dog dish

and marvelled 

at the pink sky going crisp

we put things in microwaves 

for hours

to see them turn black 

and start up on fire

it is okay to be here 

a little late

but it is our second time

we watch

our hands tied behind our backs

knives ready

silent trapping

there is static in my hair tonight

a phone stuck in it

a wasp lives in it

a spider walks upon it

the girls crush a bit

while they look for cigarettes

they try to walk in a straight line

they might be in love

I fall in love with people all the time

there is nothing to it

you just refuse to see them as they are

and then it is quite easy 

she asks me for a slice and I give it to her

I like to see her innocent, begging me for life

I steal her sweater

she leans on a wall with her shoulders exposed

minus ten

then she's gone

then i fall in love with a guy whose name I forget

after he tells me the name of the girl he's still with

she's a natural blond 

I just want him to buy me a beer

no serious shit

his hands are like locks

cold and black shuffling a cigarette

weighing my ribs

peoples faces are traps

and I don't have the 

holy circle in my pocket

to help me stay away from 

all this

the taxi hasn't come

the girls are drunk

they grind on each other 

just to feel bad

just to send texts 

snap chats of their

faces gone red

lips like white glue and

bodies round

it's all for you

and it's probably love

especially if they shut up

when you shut your eyes

especially if they live

far away enough

that the streets are still yours

a body is a body 

you can find it anywhere

but mine is always filled 

with cement 

yours is gravel 

but they are both smooth tarmac

when we let them loose

my mind is a trapper

silent in snow

catching wolves 

just to see how they look 

when they are unable to move

i try to behave 

they way i was taught

i build a cage

and pretend to be tame

still nothing sticks 

as good as shame

sobriety

i stole the letter you wrote her

because the words made me feel better

lucky…home…

loose vows I drove out

in a limo

still I swear my body lay 

in a hurse

i used to pry open rope with my teeth

to watch sails fall

the holidays aren't for you,

you know this

you'll work time and a half

to watch crowds

float down subsidized

boardwalks

past the place you work

their arms will be nets

mouths on hooks

feet white speed boats

but you'll be sorting

celery from bok choy

at the 24 hour store

maddened cuz no one else 

knows how to live life with purpose

I stare at hot photocopies

as if they had souls

as if they knew what they meant to me

the brown legal envelopes

flatten their chests

and breathe smoke

till I worry they'll catch

but they haven't yet

and i've still got my 

sense of …

and my sobriety mostly

a few letters you wrote

to someone before me

zone 2

when the other pups howl
even I can feel the shiver
and the young girls painting their
nails in the courtyard
look up to see
a violent father in their
four year old brother
fernando as he drags the dog by its
hind legs
all the way to the roof
where the cage
seems cruel for once.

A boat named paper doll

I  have found a clue

the sea-bird's wings are paper-like

the way the wind turns the corners up

the blue moon will soon be paper white

the dog is thin scruff with blue eyes

but the bird is still the thinnest thing I can see

and seeing that boat named paper doll

seems to solve everything for me. 

a civil union, held in secret, during a lengthy war

There was a strange symmetry when our bodies moved

I'd gone white from some anxious fever

your hair seemed dark as winter

and I smelled Germany on you

a drift of shoe polish from your cowskin boots

I left cloves, sap and splinters trailing around your wrist

your hands were strangers with their new tattoos

but in your arms I was a river 

all cascades and eddies, your shoulders sinking sand

like shoreline roots we grew down and deep together 

and for a moment all was still

Then an undercurrent stronger than flood waters

carried us downstream

to where the channel narrowed

I reared my head and breathed shallow

but you'd turned red like a smooth bed of sand disrupted 

suddenly we were forced to face a blue so big

we tumbled to the ocean ground

and there we stared the ancient mammals down

serpent whales giving birth

owls who could swim and speak in tongues

caiman sharpening their teeth against their mother's jaws

In the morning we awoke

our hands tied permanent in knots

palms simply locked

wide eyes satisfied 

assured that when machine guns

hit our roof it would be like 

rice confetti and hot ash

we'd survive with bruised knees

skin folded in ageing pleats

hair gone clear with time